I <3 Attention

On the healing power of being witnessed & feeling seen

Let’s face it. I love attention. Don’t you?

I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with loving attention either. But I have seen in my own life how giving too much value to receiving attention has not been very fulfilling. The same goes for the flipside- giving to much meaning to NOT receiving attention never feels great….

---

This is my new podcast episode in an experimental format.

Check out the transcript of this episode below, press play to listen right here or tune in via Spotify or Apple Podcasts

---

Do you relate?

However, I don’t think the problem is attention itself. Villainizing attention or shaming yourself for the wanting of it gets you nowhere fast. It leads to being judgy of yourself and others. It leads to thinking all men who want to look at you are evil and judging yourself for your desire to wear lingerie (if you desire that). Not helpful.

Here’s the reframe on attention I want to defend:

Being witnessed, feeling seen for who you are is really powerful.

But if you don’t feel rooted in yourself and who you are, expressing yourself can feel like jumping from point A to Z.

At the same time it is ok to let yourself be seen as you figure it out. As long as you don’t demand perfection from yourself at any point of the journey. Perfection simply doesn’t exist.

Also important to remember that we cannot control how others respond to us.

As a performer I’ve learned tricks for how to demand attention, command an audience, direct the gaze of onlookers, seduce a crowd. But the quality of attention, the intention, or the way the audience responds to my audacity and autonomy? I can't control that.

A picture says a thousand words. Photo by @sventure_snaps at @dlsburlesque

Do you see how none of that really had to do with me? The response often has to do with what’s going on within the person who’s watching.

Am I immune to feeling annoyed or angered by a less than desirable response to me? No I’m not. I’m sensitive. I’m an empath. Which is why I’ve actively cultivated energetic boundaries and created ways to feel safe, anchored, and in control of my own energy as I perform and move through the world in general.

I personally used to rely on being on stage to feel validated or powerful. When I realized it and started to go on my empowerment journey, I was motivated to actively dismantle that and create a healthier relationship with performance. I also crafted more ways to feel whole, empowered, seen- if only by me, myself. Actually, most importantly to feel seen by me, myself.

I started by getting right with inner world. In my Pussy Empowered Approach this is the first pillar: the internal. Connecting to your inner truth. This happens within but can be magnified by supportive community on a similar path.

Next is embodiment- this happens in the relationship between you and your body.

Followed by expression which is the exploration of being seen.

We are most powerful when all three of these areas are in alignment. This results in a solid foundation of integrity.

These three realms can be active, growing, strengthening at the same time. And in practice, we explore this over the course of any given class, retreat or 1:1 container.

If you’ve ever been to a Pussy Empowered Dance Class® in person or virtually, then you’ve experienced this exploration firsthand. Beginning with setting intentions, moving into nourishing, intimate embodied space between you and you, and finally letting yourself be seen as you are.

I consider this a playground for experimenting. For noticing what happens when we go to be seen. How does our body react? Our mind? Our spirit?

This is good information on the stories we hold about being seen, about our bodies, about our movement.

Together, we create a safe space for one another to feel witnessed and feel seen. With high quality attention, rooted intentions, and compassion, we see one another and let ourselves be seen.

A moment of witnessing in Pussy Empowered Performance Class @hausofghettostiletto

The magic that unfolds is beyond words. Of course, because its the language of our bodies and spirits.

But in class, we give our best attempt to express to one another what we saw. Sighs, giggles, shrieks, adjectives, metaphors pour out of each of us as we do our best to distill what we witnessed into spoken language.

In the beginning this exercise can feel SO intimidating and confronting. But after a time or two, it rapidly becomes everyone’s favorite part of class!

Because its such a powerful exercise, not just for the person being witnessed but, also for those doing the witnessing.

We realize how healing it is to see another individual expressing their eroticism, owning their sensuality, showing up just as they are with however they’re feeling. We realize that when we let ourselves be really expressed and seen, we too are giving this gift to others with our mere presence.

Its a simple, yet POTENT medicine, especially when being held intentionally in a safe space.

And what we feel in our bodies, the liberation we experience, the transformation that occurs, it bleeds out into other parts of our lives. It changes the way we relate to ourselves, the way we carry ourselves. It changes our relationship with taking up space. For many of us, it unlocks realms within ourselves that we never new existed.

I think it’s important to anchor into the fact that attention is powerful! If we are afraid of attention it usually reflects in our relationship with power in general. Because attention is a tool of power.

Yes this is me. No, don’t recommend you watch this. If you wanna know more check this article I was interviewed for on Buzzfeed

Without attention, a doula business cannot find clients. Without attention, a GoFund me for a top surgery cannot get support. Without attention Lil Nas X couldn’t inspire people who feel invisible and unsupported in their non-hetero sexual identity.

Attention is powerful, and dare I say integral to making change- whether it be loud on the internet or assertive in an interpersonal exchange. Learning to stand our ground, feel comfortable in our bodies, believe in our right to express and be seen and heard in the first place- is important on any journey of reclamation and empowerment.

It’s a muscle that needs to be strengthened. Just like when we lift weights in the gym, we are prepared to lift something heavy when we need to. When we practice being seen, we can show the fuck up in our lives whenever those times come.

And whether you’re a comedian, teacher, stripper, or CEO, that shit comes in handy.

How does this conversation around attention show up in your life?

What would embracing attention as a tool make possible for you?

Share in the comments or send me a direct message to be witnessed on where you are on your journey.

---

Feel called to heal your relationship with attention, unleash your expression, and take up space unapologetically? Here are 4 ways to receive Pussy Empowered support to do so:

1. LA Pussy Empowered Performance Class (10 week series) begins April 18th andc culminates in a performance at the next Pussy Empowered Party in June(2 spots left!)

2. LA Pussy Empowered Dance Class 3/21 (Reggaeton Floorwerk) & 4/4

3. Virtual Pussy Empowered Dance Bedroom Flow 3/26 (monthly)

4. Work with me 1:1